10-1, officer down
by Bluenet13
Summary: Exploration of the aftermath to the Absolution/Mercy arc, focusing on Jay, Hailey and Will, with a lot of angst, brotherly love and a touch of Upstead along the way.


_Hi all, I'm not quite sure what I'm doing here, given this is not actually the show I write for. I have loved the Chicagos for a very long time, just never quite gotten involved with its fandom. But I guess it was only a matter of time since it's been a while that I have wanted to try writing a story for PD and I finally gave in. As much as I loved "Absolution", I was left feeling disappointed after "Mercy", so this is me trying to fix that. Enjoy!_

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_Riding his bike with Will._

_His first girlfriend in high school._

_Choosing to join the army._

_Deploying as a part of the 75th Ranger Regiment._

_Everything going to hell in Afghanistan._

_Mouse._

_PTSD._

_Learning his mother was sick._

_Losing his mother and feeling abandoned by his brother._

_Deciding to become a cop and feeling rejected by his father._

_Finding a new family._

_Erin._

_Reconnecting with his brother._

_Alvin._

_Meeting Hailey._

_Marcus West, Angela and Bobby._

_Being shot. Again._

All the memories floated in Jay's mind as he lay on the dirty floor, shaky hands going to his throat as he gasped for air. The echo of the gunshot still resonating on his mind as his shoulder and chest both burned with pain. His head also ached, and he couldn't focus on anything in particular. His mind a foggy mess of remembered heartbreaks and unfinished dreams.

Then Hailey was there. Kneeling in front of him and desperately speaking words that his mind couldn't comprehend. He could see her lips part and words being formed but he couldn't quite understand their meaning. But he desperately tried to. Wanting anything but the echo of a gunshot meant to kill him to be his last remembered sound.

Hetty's image then turned shaky and he realized he was close to losing consciousness. He saw her turned around, still speaking words that sounded just silent to his ears, and that's when he noticed the paramedics coming in. And Voight standing at the back of the room. His imposing figure looming over the scene playing right in front of him. He tried to look at Voight, to silently apologize and also to say thank you. But then an oxygen mask was placed into his mouth and nose and his world began to black out.

Jay felt himself being lifted from the ground and he could see Voight being closer now, then Adam, Kim and the outside world. Kevin and Vanessa were there now too, and he thought he could even see Erin. But that was impossible, so just his mind playing tricks on him. Whatever it was, he decided to cling to that image, choosing that a hallucination of his first real love was better than the light that kept calling to him from the farthest corner of his mind.

As time kept passing, Jay could feel all his pain leaving his body, and he barely realized he was going into shock. With blood still dripping from the wound on his head, and a whole lot of it also dampening his shirt, Jay mentally cringed as he thought of how awful he must look. And as the ambulance doors closed behind the gurney and Hailey, he wished they wouldn't take him to Gaffney. He didn't want Will to see him like this. Even as he knew that thought was sheer foolish, because he very well knew that going to Gaffney was his best shot at living.

-x-x-x-

She shouldn't have let him go downstairs on his own. He had been right in front of her, battered and bruised, but alive, and she had let him slip right from under her eyes. The thought playing constantly on Hailey's mind during the ambulance ride. And every time she looked down at Jay's now unconscious form, she couldn't help but fell that it was all her fault.

Jay was her partner, and she should have payed more attention to his unusual behavior and recurrent escapades. She should have known better. She should have been able to identify the signs. And she should have been there for her partner, recognizing that what had happened with Marcus West had taken a bigger toll than Jay had let on.

But the world didn't stop for things you should have done, it just kept moving forward. And now it was too late. Jay was fighting for his life, and Hailey wasn't sure he would even want to survive if it meant that his badge would be taken away and his future was meant to be spent in jail.

Hailey considered herself a good person, even if she had done some bad things while a homicide detective. But overall, she figured all the good would outweigh the not-so-good. Right now, however, she wondered how the scales would even out as she sat on the ambulance wishing over and over again than Angela wouldn't make it.

-x-x-x-

It was just another day at Gaffney Chicago Medical Center, and Will Halstead currently sat in the doctor's lounge. From the glass window he could see Natalie talking to Maggie and he wondered if they were talking about him. It wasn't just vanity, but the fact they both continued to take quick peeks his way.

_I'd like us to be friends again._ The words continued to resonate on his mind, and he wanted to accept the offer openly, but he also knew his relationship with Nat was always like a ticking bomb. Peaceful and happy, right until it wasn't.

Natalie and Maggie continued to stare at him, and Will couldn't quite decipher what it was all about. At least not until he saw Mrs. Goodwin join in. Her face a mask of calm, but he knew the woman well, and he could see the cracks in her armor. The small creases in her otherwise composed demeanor and the thin drops of sweat that trickled down her forehead. _Maybe Natalie is in trouble,_ he thought to himself, but then Sharon began walking towards him and he realized he was in the middle of whatever was happening.

"Will." Sharon breathed out as soon as she came into the room, closing the door behind her and drawing the curtains to keep the moment private.

Will didn't answer, he just nodded to signal he had heard her. At any other moment, he would have wondered what he had done wrong this time, fearing for his job, but today he knew his numbers were okay and that his position was safe.

"I'm sorry, Will." Were the next words to come out of her boss and his blood instantly turned to ice. Because this didn't have to do with him, and Will had only one family member left, which meant this had all to do with…

"Jay is in route here now. His Sargent just called." And there it was. The words spoken before his mind had a chance to fully catch up. "He was shot, Will. I'm so sorry."

Goodwin said nothing afterwards, she just continued to stand in place, her face indecipherable as she stared at Will. A very familiar expression present on her face, that which doctors used when telling a family member that they had done all they could, before apologizing for their loss, and moving on with their lives. To continue healing, saving and trying.

"Is he still alive?" Will asked in a voice that sounded foreign to him. Breath catching in his throat as the very real threat of losing his younger brother loomed over him.

Goodwin nodded just then. A simple gesture that carried with it all that Will needed. Because after that he was all action, knowing there was no time for going down now. Drawing in his coat and exiting the room, he ignored Nat's and Maggie's calls and walked decisively towards the doors to the ambulance bay.

He could hear a combination of sirens in the distance and it reminded him to the sounds that preceded the arrival of multiple victims. But as far as he knew, this was only one. Only Jay. Only his brother.

A few minutes later, he could see the ambulance getting closer, flanked on all sides by police cruisers and SUV's. A procession of the brothers in blue. A convoy meant for his brother.

Doctor Marcel and Noah were at his side in a second, followed by Maggie and April, all hands on deck. Then the ambulance doors opened, and he saw him for the first time. Jay was laying on a gurney, oxygen mask covering his face. Blood matting his head and dampening his shirt. Hailey was there too, apologizing to him and speaking assurances that he knew were to be false. Will didn't know her well, just that she was his brother's partner, but the sorrow in her eyes told him that there was a lot more to that story. So, Will made a mental note to ask Jay once he was okay. Not _if, _but _when._ Because his brother didn't survive Afghanistan, just to die in Chicago.

Before Will knew what was happening, the gurney was rolled by him, and he was pushed backwards. He tried fighting the familiar arms, but they held him in place as his brother was taken to Baghdad. Not able to follow into the trauma room, Will fell to the ground, silent tears finally rolling down his face as the reality of the situation finally hit him.

"Everything's going to be okay, Will. Jay's strong." Natalie said beside him, and that's when he realized that her arms were still holding him tight.

"You know you can't promise that." Will said bitterly, hating the comfort Nat's proximity was bringing him.

"I know. But I choose to believe it. Halstead men are strong. He will be okay."

Will nodded then, trying to convince himself of the words. Because Jay couldn't just leave him. Their mother and father were both dead, and it was only them now.

Allowing himself a few minutes, Will continued to cry, as he released all his anguish and pain. The sight of his younger brother covered in blood and lying seemingly dead on a gurney too hard for him to take. Even as he realized that Jay had been hurt before, both as a ranger and detective, but he hadn't seen it play right in front of him. This time was different. This time, Jay could die at a place he had learned to call home.

Taking in a few deep breaths, coaching himself like he directed his patients, Will was able to regain control. So, he pushed away his tears, freed himself from Nat's hold, and walked inside. Understanding that he was family and what rules dictated, he didn't try to push himself inside the trauma bay, knowing that any distraction or lapse in treatment could cost his brother his life. Instead, he stood silently outside of the room, watching his coworkers do all in their power to save his younger brother, and wishing with all his soul that it would be enough.

-x-x-x-

The rest of the day had happened as a blur for Hailey. She remembered phrases and images, but not quite the full picture.

_It's hard because you love him._ She didn't yet know what to make of those words.

_He's lost a lot of blood._ She was glad it hadn't been enough to kill him.

_And it made me realize that I wanted to tell you something. _She had missed her opportunity, but there would be others.

Now she sat at home, drinking a beer with Vanessa, making her appreciate the fact that she didn't live alone.

"Today was scary." Vanessa said, speaking more to herself than to Hailey in particular.

"It's always hard when something like this happens." Hailey responded, echoing her words from earlier in the day. "Especially the first time around." She continued, remembering this was the first time since Vanessa had joined the team that one of them had gotten seriously injured.

"Working undercover is easier that way." Vanessa sighed before taking a sip of her beer. "You're either alive or dead, but there's nobody else to worry about in between. No partner, no team, just you and the bad guys."

"Sounds lonely." Hailey said honestly.

"It can be. But it's also less complicated." Vanessa admitted. "And it isn't as hard when you didn't have many friends or family to begin with."

"Would you go back?" Hailey inquired, sincerely curious of the answer.

"Not anymore." Vanessa said smiling. "I would probably have said yes a few months ago. But I… like having the whole package. You know? The partner, the team, the precinct."

"The friends?" Hailey added with a smile of her own.

"Yeah, those too." Vanessa agreed, still finding it hard to open up to people and not fully used to not being on her own. "Like Halstead?" She challenged after a few minutes of silence.

Hailey nervously chuckled after that. "Yeah, just like that."

"It got close today." Vanessa began softly. "Don't think you will have all the time in the world." Then a dark shadow crossed her eyes, signaling she was talking from experience.

"I know. There's just some things I need to figure out." Hailey's mind then replayed the last few days another time, from the moment she had learned Jay had been kidnapped, to the gunshot that had turned her insides to jelly, the regret and guilt that had followed, and ending at the familiar banter with her partner and dropping him at home before he had insisted he wanted to be alone. And it was true that she had things to figure out, but her feelings for Jay wasn't one of those, just how to go about them and how much of her heart she wanted to risk by choosing to move forward.

Vanessa just nodded and went to respond but was cut short by the doorbell. Walking to the front door she picked up their pizza delivery and went back to the kitchen. The rest of the evening was then spent in between comfortable silence and small talk, with two new friends that came from different backgrounds, but who were glad to now know each other and be the new blood of Chicago's PD 21st District.

-x-x-x-

Jay groaned as he tried finding a more comfortable position in bed. His shoulder hurt and his head also pulsed with a dull ache. The pain killers laid discarded on his nightstand as the detective tried to ignore their call.

The TV was playing on the background, but he wasn't really paying attention to whatever show was currently playing. He just needed any noise to silence the voices in his head. But Angela's accusations continued to echo on his mind, along with the sound of the gunshot, and a distant voice that told him that his PTSD had returned.

Closing his eyes to try to sleep, Jay instead recalled the moment he had woken up in the hospital after surgery. His shoulder covered in a thick, white bandage, and his mind foggy from the drugs. His mind had then focused on the many cops outside his room, and he remembered having wondered if they were there to set vigil to his room, or just awaiting orders to arrest him.

It all made him feel disgusted now. Because this whole mess has been his fault. Another mistake of his overachiever self and now an innocent man was dead, and a mother had been turned into a widow and a criminal and shooter too. He didn't deserve to be free but speaking the truth would only hurt Voight and his team, especially after what had happened with Antonio and Adam. So, he would stay silent, even when the pain of the last few months would remain with him forever.

Just then the doorbell rang, and Jay groaned again. He wasn't in the mood to see anyone, and just wanted to be left alone. Hoping that whoever was outside would take the hint, Jay ignored it and closed his eyes again. But that time, his mind went back to the exact moment he had been shot, and he gasped in remembered pain. Before his mind moved into a full-blown panic attack, the doorbell rang again and, this time, Jay welcomed the sound with open arms. With his mind set in pulling him down to rock bottom, Jay fought his demons, and got out of bed. Gingerly walking to the door and opening it to reveal his older brother.

"Will." He breathed out, not having seen much of his brother since this whole disaster had happened. He knew Will had been at the hospital when he had been brought in, but he hadn't been there when he woke up. Just Hailey and then Nat telling him that Will had been deeply shaken after seeing him so hurt and was in the rooftop, insisting that he didn't want to see anyone. Jay had been hurt, especially as he recalled his brother's disappearance when their mother had gotten sick. But he was here now.

"I'm sorry I didn't visit you in the hospital." Will began. _It was just too hard seeing you in that hospital bed. You're always so strong and energetic and you were too still. _But that part remained unsaid. "But, I'm here now." Will then crossed the threshold of his brother's apartment and dropped a duffel bag on the floor, before moving to the kitchen and setting a bag of takeout on the table.

"Yes, you are." Jay said simply, closing the door and following his brother inside. He stared at the bag his brother had dropped to the floor but decided not to ask any questions. By the time he reached the kitchen, the table was already set, a plate in front of each seat.

"Shepherd's pie?" Jay asked knowingly.

"Mother's favorite." Will said, nodding. Both brothers remembering that it had been their mother's favorite comfort food when they had been two boys growing up in Canaryville.

"Thank you." Jay then sat at the table and began to eat with his brother. A tense silence surrounded them, but it eased quickly as the dish got the brothers talking about old childhood memories.

When all food was consumed, Will moved to grab a bread pudding (another favorite of the Halstead household) from the takeout bags, while Jay tried clearing out the table, but just managed a moan as his shoulder protested in pain.

"Have you been taking your pain killers?" Will asked knowingly, even as he was already on his way to his brother's room. Coming out a few minutes later with a frown on his face and two bottles of pills in hand.

Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, he passed 2 pills to his brother, Jay taking them silently and downing them in one gulp. The younger Halstead not so tough in front of his older brother.

"Good thing I will be staying here a few days." Will said nonchalantly, once they were back at the table eating dessert.

"So, that's what the bag's for, I just assumed you were going on vacation afterwards." Jay quipped.

"Very funny." Will said, not an ounce of amazement on his voice. "You scared the crap out of me, Jay. I know you love being a detective, and that you survived war and much worse. I know you're good at it all. But you can't leave me brother, it's just you and me now." Will shared in an uncharacteristic display of both sincerity and affection. In reality, Will wanted to ask about what actually happened, and how did he learn of his brother's kidnapping only _after_ he had been shot, but he knew Jay was in pain and not wanting to push him now, he decided there would be time for questions later.

"I'm sorry, Will." Jay said honestly, turning his full attention to his brother. "None of this was supposed to happen. But then again, it never is when one ends up shot. I can't promise it won't happen again, but I promise to try."

Will nodded, knowing that neither of them could make any assurances in their line of work, but appreciating the gesture, nonetheless. "Now go lay down, I will clear out the table then join you. I want to hear all about this Hailey." Will said smirking, a sincere smile reaching his eyes for the first time since he had been told bis brother had been shot.

Jay smirked his usual grin, his eyes saying more than his words could, then he shook his head and walked to the room. Sighing contently as the strong pain killers began to take away the edge of the pain.

Any other time, Jay would have been annoyed to have his older brother gushing over him, but that day was not today. Right now, he just felt happy and grateful to still be alive. It would be long before he got over what had happened with Marcus West, but he had been given another chance at life and at being a detective, and it wasn't fair to anyone to waste it. Jay could just hope that this time his PTSD wouldn't return with a vengeance, and that his brother's help would be enough to fight the invisible enemy that was on his head. Because the Halstead brothers were indeed strong, and together, they could fight anything. It also wouldn't hurt if he also got a certain ex-Homicide detective on his corner.

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_Thanks to anyone that decided to give this a chance. This being the first time I write for this show, I'm not sure how much of these characters' voices I have figured out, but I had a lot of fun writing this story and hope you enjoyed reading it._


End file.
